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Becoming a Warrior NOT a Worrier

July 14, 2014

 

When you feel like your body hates you..

I've always had a love/hate relationship with my body. Started during my teen years as with most girls. But more recently in my 20's after being diagnosed with IBD.

When you have an auto immune disease, your body is literally working against you. I came to terms with this when I took on a healthy lifestyle of a eating fresh organic high raw diet and changing my life in all forms to represent health.

Recently I have had to challenge my own body again... As I mentioned briefly in my last post, about 10 days after my take down surgery for my j-pouch (the best surgery of all 3 because I got to say good bye to the bag), I started bleeding from the hole that was left in my stomach. Let me explain, before this surgery, everything would pass through my intestines that were sticking out of my stomach covered with "a bag". When they did the final surgery they put the intestines back inside, but left the hole to heal. They can't close the hole because of risk of infection. Well, one day the hole started bleeding... Non-stop!!! I was rushed to the emergency room and ended up losing a lot of blood. They stitched me up and I needed bags of blood and iron transfused. My numbers went up but my iron was still low (before you think, well she's a vegan, no wonder, the hematologist pointed out that vegan sources of iron are just as good as eating meat). Anyway, I also have the thalsemia minor trait so I am always a little anemic do to this inherited blood "disorder". So once again, my body was going against me. I just wanted the numbers to go up so I could go home and I didn't want to hear one more person say "they are keeping you for a reason" because I knew this was true, but the comforts of my family and own bed sounded much better. That was when I chose to changed the way I was thinking. I started imagining my body flowing in ebony with me, healing, working properly, shining a beautiful light. I could see it. I prayed and meditated that night for my numbers to be normal and although I knew I would be upset if they weren't, I didn't want to think about it. I only thought good thoughts. I realized that although this terrible thin happened to me, I needed to appreciate what my body had been through and how it kept me alive in a time of high stress. I thought about how my body wasn't a machine, it is a temple and it needed to do things slowly so that it would heal properly. I am now giving myself the proper rest I need to patiently wait for my body to do it's thing.. No more hate, only love and light towards myself. I am now using the motto "I am a warrior, not a worrier" to help get me through it all.

 

Remember to love your body, even when it sucks! ;)  Be a warrior with me!

XO-Lauren

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